The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
