After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
