I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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