do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
