Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
