playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
