I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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