btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
