Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
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I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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