you would pick up someone in the library
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
