ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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