I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
