This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
