my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
