It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
