just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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