It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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