you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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