Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
