So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
