I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
then he tried to convert me to islam
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
