playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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