I hate all girls vehemently.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
