Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
