Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
