apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
