Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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