she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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