Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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