HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Less talking, more tequila
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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