I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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