you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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