Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
