I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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