I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
