you win again, gameday.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
