I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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