the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
