I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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