oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
