ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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