I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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