I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
