worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
