Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
