I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
