def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
