All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
