Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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