Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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