Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize