Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
