No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
