I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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