I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
