he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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