I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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