Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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