You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it glows. i had to have it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
