Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
