I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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