she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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