Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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