He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
