I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
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just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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