two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
