I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
