I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
