Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
