what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
