He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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