I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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